Thursday, September 16
i swear, that everytime aft tuition, i just feel like the lousiest person on earth.
she just keeps going on and on about all the facts that i'm supposed to know but dont (okay i admit that i'm rlly guilty as charged for some of them, but thn there are some that are just.....OMG!) and then she talks about all her past students and how successful they were. and i just want to cry in the middle of the lesson(not literally la). THEY JUST GO TO THE BEST UNIVERSITIES EVER!!
like in her cls last yr like out of te 7 guy students she had, 6 of them like got into wonderful unis! like Brown and Harvard.. and i dont even know the names of the rest. and then there's like these students of hers that have behavioural problems and yet they're in the best schs in s'pore ever! like yknw, those kind of hyper active ppl. pardon me, but those ppl make ppl like sweeheng, zhiliang and amelia low sound like NOTHING! sucks big time.
and most importantly is that i just made the decision to "look at what i have a be happy and not look at what i dont have and be unhappy" cus i finally finished the last episode of Personal Taste(ooh leeminho!) and now i'm starting to think how loser i'd be if i dont work hard and catch up to those winners and like it shld be my life-time goal or whatever.. well i guess i have to combine both tgt and aim for the best of both worlds?
"but it's so haaaaaaaard~!"
"oh germaine, STOP WHINING!!"
and then if i keep pursuing academics i will be giving up music as well(which is a path that i REALLY wish to try for but am damn hell scared to) and is this a good thing? if i really succeed academically thn i'll probably look back and think how it could have been if i went on with my music life instead, but i'll probably be happy with my successes(haha doesnt exist!) as well. but what if i were to FAIL?! which is very likely looking at the tough competition and then looking at my brain(ok i gotta admit that i'm not trying THAT hard either but u get my point). then i will end up with nothing!!
this is like the scary part of the system now: there's a road for the best(like the best universities and jobs ever) and then there's the road for those who cant rlly make it (a case in point would be the ITEs. omg have u seen the new ITE at teck whye lrt station thr?! i swear, 10times better than what our sch looks like.), and i guess the okay-people make it to polys, make really good friends and all that, come out to the society and put their skills into use, but what happens to those people who have not really made it but somewhere there? i guess not everybody can be at the top, but we just spend our whole lifes under the best, but still being trampled on all the time. it just feels like u're JUST UNDER the surface of the water and u want to come up and catch a breath, but everytime u try, someone at the top just pushes ur head down, and u just keep struggling.
but that's the harsh reality of the world i guess: Survival of the Fittest in their Own Levels.
contemplating on my to-do list for my birthday! :))))))))
haiya, cant believe i'm gna be one year older alr zzz.
laughed at 10:34:00 PM