Friday, July 27
Omg I can't believe I waited for the bus for 20 whole minutes!!! 3 190s came but I simply refused to board it I swear. Like diedie also need to board my 700.
The night is dangerous. I swear everytime the night comes I start thinking wild. Sometimes I think too much about one thing then I cannot go sleep. It's like that meme that I saw the other day. U can be very happy and satisfied like just before u go to bed, then just when u decide to sleep, suddenly ur life sucks. Usually I just don't want to sleep. Cos staying up at the comp definitely beats lying in bed awake. Then I end up sleeping even later then it becomes even more difficult to get to sleep.
So on this very fine night, I am thinking about how perfectionistic I am. Haha perfectionistic. I just love making up words for the fun of it I swear. But the thing is I am not perfectionistic about my work, my life, or the people ard me. I'm just perfectionistic about myself. I just cannot stand that I am imperfect, I don't accept my imperfections. And thus I don't believe anyone will love me together with my imperfections. So either I need to get rid of my imperfections or learn to love them. Or else I'll never be happy.
Yes I got on the bus and right now I am looking at this couple opposite me. I'm very evil. I look at this couple and I think: how does this guy even get attached? And how does this girl even get attached? I mean, doesn't that ever happen? Like u look at someone then you wonder how can someone love that and noone loves this? So evil right. And it's also very evil how my confidence is built when I compare others to myself. I subconsciously compare relative standards and somehow it makes me feel better about myself. So competitive ah germaine. But maybe it's natural. Like if I put myself down and go into self-depreciating mode, the ppl hearing it will feel better about themselves. Maybe. I don't know. God, I would give psychologists so much to think about.
Anw just came back from rep camp. It was so much better than nolc camp I swear. I don't mean to be mean but it was really quite boring and not really worth the money. Ok la good experience all in all though. My og quite fun so I sorta look forward to start school$ hope my tutorial grp is made up of these fun ppl also! Thr're a few girls who are super fun, a few more ppl who share the same humour as me, literary and lame, so I'm quite satisfied now. I don't dare to predict which cliques I'll end up in in the future cos I don't want to be disappointed but whatever it is, I'll try to be happy ^^
laughed at 9:12:00 PM