Wednesday, July 11
"Some take high roads.
Some take low roads.
Some take any road beneath their feet.
Some take soft roads,
Any way the wind blows.
Some take lonely roads that never meet.
Some take long roads.
Some take hard roads.
Some take dark roads noone else can see.
Some are safe on the good roads.
Others lost on the bad roads.
But they all come back to Thee."
i am in my pms period. It really sucks. It's that period where i feel super bloated (admit it. 'bloated' is just a freaking euphemism [fk la just dk how to spell that word] for FAT). And i feel like eating so much more also. And then that feeling just sucks cos u are trying to keep in shape? Then the eating and bloatedness just elevate the freaking fat problem. And then u get so emotional because of the pms, like you get pissed at everything or emo at everything and then the fatness becomes a big part of ur frustration.
Anw this song, i think it's quite interesting. There are so many different fates waiting for so many people. And when they say 'aiya it's fated la', you cannot deny that there really is some truth in that. Some people just have it better than others. I am extremely thankful for not having been born in one of the poor parts of africa, or born ridden with some incurable disease. But the real truth is that some people really get it better. But what is the right way to handle your life? Should you be a person who changes the road that u are walking? I'm talking about a society like singapore now. Let's say when after i took my alvls, RV was the school that i really didnt want to get in to. Let's just assume. But btw rv was my first choice. Should i try all that i could to leave the school? Like to transfer out? I mean, there are so many ppl who didnt like rv. Either they didnt like the school from the start or they made their choice and then they realised that they dont like the environment. Ok then there are those who made a difference to their lives. They took action to their unhappiness. Some changed schools, some changed education paths. Others complain complain and keep saying that they are going to leave the school. And then they SAY SAY ONLY. Quite despise those ppl.. (but tbh, i dont rmb who are those ppl anymore HAHAH)
so the question is, should i, in that situation, really change my school? Or stick with what life has given me, what my decisions led to. I mean, isnt 'dealing with what life gives you' part of life also? Changing schools seem to be running away from the problem, going for the easier solution. Then again, going for the easier solution doesnt seem to be anything wrong either. Why go the long way when u know the short cut? So SHOULD I TAKE IT EASY OR BE MORE 积极 IN LIFE?
Wdvwdv. Actually i feel like i have some friends that hang out with me just so that they can feel better of themselves. It's like when they are beside me, they stand out more. They dont hang with me because they like being with me. It's cos they think that they are better with me; i make them feel better of themselves. Sometimes it gets to me, that i am only worth that much for people to feel that way about me. Yes, hurt i am. But i dont show it, i learn from it, i harden from it, and next time i will be better. One day, i will dedicate Who's Laughing Now to all u guys.
Ohya anw, i lost my wallet in taiwan. It's not really considered as 'lost', cos i left it in the taxi, and then once i closed the door of the taxi, i just remembered that i left it there. It wasnt even cos i wanted to find my wallet and cldnt find it. Once i closed the door, the uncle drove off. I am so angry. Angry with myself. I've attended this lecture and lesson for so many times alr. When am i ever going to learn. What the fuck. I am just so useless at being careful. Today was so tiring. Once i become tired, i accidentallly become careless again. Fuck. And so I called my mum wanting to talk to her cos so far she's the one who've said things that i need to hear the most accurately so far. But ok i was disappointed. I am not disappointed in her. I am disappointed because i forgot that in this world, you are alone.
You are alone because there is no one who can physically and emotionally react to you as fast as you can. Noone knows what you really want. And even if someone does, one day when you really get everything you want, you are unhappy cos you get everything. How to like that? How to find one as responsive as you to yourself? Yes, you are alone. You can share, receive love, and give love as much as you can, but you are still alone. Nevertheless, this is not to say that u shouldnt love. Even thought everyone is alone, one shld try as much as you can to eradicate the loneliness. The key is not to get as little loneliness as possible cos there is not limit as to how not alone you can feel. The key is how much loneliness you can get rid of. I am working towards that. I am. And my 积极ness as well.
laughed at 1:31:00 AM