Monday, November 19
i have officially reached a whole new level. haha not intending to be rude or anything but i just finished it early. hopefully the exam would be of this standard too. #jinxedit #confirmwontone
anyway these few days i realised i've forgotten how must i enjoyed my alone-time, or the peaceful life or whatever others may call it. admittedly i am more slack, but i dont want to treat the exam like alevels like how everyone is doing it. because if i do it for the four years here, i will most likely be tempted to do it for my whole life. i'm pushing myself to find a better me; not pushing for the sake of pushing. and getting satisfactory grades aka, an almost-perfect score, is not the definition of a better me. i think that there are some people that are lying to themselves that studying is what makes them happy or that they are actually enjoying it, but i am not going to do that. true enough i find joy in some subjects and less in others. and there is nothing wrong with that.
met the audi people the other day. they are very nice uh, coming all the way to ntu even though only angela and i study in ntu. and angela isnt even in our main 'clique'. everyone has changed i realised. is it a good change? as i was doing the analysis for the fom shit the last part was about Change. is it good? should be embrace it? should we stop it? should we even analyse it? obviously when it is impulse over logic then we need to analyse it. but what is it's just a matter of A or B? what if A or B doesnt really mean right or wrong, it just means left or right? (hahah left right and right wrong) should i fight personal change? or should i just let it happen, with the people around me and my environment. anyway it's just luck right? and in life it's about making mistakes right? cant believe some people didnt get that haha: not failing is also failing in life. how sad huh. a perfectionist that tried to hard not to fail in everything he does will still fail in his own existence: life. and i'm not talking about failure like failing to meet one's own expectations or oh, not getting this guy or girl, or like oh, not earning more money than your friend. it's real failure. it's the courage to really let yourself fail. yes i do believe you need to give yourself permission to really fail. but that is for another day, another time and another place. not here.
but to conclude it really doesnt matter which option you choose because u dont really matter so your choice doesnt really matter. you think u can really make the world change? i think those that do are the ones that just did what they wanted but never did what they wanted in line with "OH I WANT TO CHANGE THE WORLD."
please, u really think that you can make the world a better place? if u really do think that way, then u need to change urself first. humble yourself.
laughed at 3:29:00 PM