Monday, July 22
REP CAMP.
the performance. their gee dance omg. how not to be touched?? funnily i was not the most touched by the skit part that i had seen before. i was most touched when i watched the dance. the dance that i had watched them perform again and again and again just to console themselves. wah i kennot sia. when they were practicing in the main lab i had to leave for awhile just holding back my tears -cues dbsk's holding back the tears in the background-. after the amazing race when u see how hard they try to win for the team at the end of the day at the mass games :'). oh god what did i do in my previous life to deserve such sweet ogs? 2 in a row somemore. first it was usp camp now it's rep camp. we dont need to be noisy and fuzzy wuzzy right at the start. we bonded towards the end of the camp because we went through the camp together. during htht they lamented that we werent the noisiest og but i'm perfectly ok with being in an og like that. so very proud to have this bunch of freshies i am. not only my og but the other ogs as well such that we can work together to bringing rep to greater heights. after everything and everything i went to the toilet behind rpr and met shaoying and lynn along the way. wah i see shaoying face last warning sia. just cry only. like when u see all the freshies all around u still ok. then when you only see familiar faces then BOOM. ohwell at least i held it in properly heh.
i wna blog but i'm not really in the mood for anything serious.
saw this on tumblr that gave me inspiration:
What To Do When People Leave:
- Do not hate them for it. They are on a journey too. (yeah but who are they to cause so much trauma to my journey?)
- Understand that sometimes you will be a bandage caressing a temporary wound or you will be a pinnacle of permanency rooted deeply in their heart. Accept that you do this to people too. (i dont want to treat people like a bandage. i'm sorry i'm just immature like that. what's wrong with not wanting to take people for granted? so what now it's innate that we take people for granted? why? becuase we think we are better than them? and people who think they are better than us get to take us for granted? how is this writing making the world a better place?)
- Do not step on your feet trying to find rhythm you are not meant to follow (I'll just blame myself for not being able to catchup)
- Do not let it harden you: continue to nurture, continue to love. (how not to harden? how? how not to look at another experience and not suspect if the same things will happen? why give urself another chance to tell yourself i told you so?)
- People use words as anchors to latch onto bits of you and when they leave remind yourself that the sea never bled itself dry because a ship left it. (Whatever. i dont understand this.)
- Write the nastiest letter and burn it (maybe i should.)
- Yes, they may have illuminated pieces of you that you were unaware existed. But now you do and they are not the last person to remind you. (not applicable to me. "illuminated pieces in you" what shit. how does this shit not even happen to me lol)
- Dizzy yourself with everything you love, like dancing in the greenhouse to horrid pop songs or reading Haruki Murakami. (maybe this is what i'm trying to do with my life now. drown myself in work and everything else)
- Set all that anger ablaze, you are wasting your time sifting through it. (set it ablaze huh. i have past the threshold where going on rage mode is not advisable.)
- Internalize the fact that you were still breathing before you met them (now i breathe differently. please teach me how to breathe normally now.)
- Forgive them (but how do i forgive myself?)
#angstmode HAHAHAHA
was feeling horigible and wanted to ring up a few friends. and as usual i move geographically. bukit anjang radially outwards. was thinking of meeting zhengyang for lunch tmr before the talk. but we're just not meant to meet. everytime i get into my depression mode he's not free. it just happens to be. but i dont want to trouble him if he's not free. he has enough relationship problems as it is. mervin is probably in camp / rag. thank god for jeanette. thank you for being free. thank god for weisin for asking how i'm doing. thanks for shaoying. thanks just thanks for understanding. giving so many many thanks just because i can :)))
laughed at 11:56:00 PM